TK has Stargardt’s Disease which has left him legally blind for over 15 years. His peripheral vision is 20/20 but his central vision is 20/200. Regular glasses do not help this type of problem. He had to stop driving, which was what he did to relax. He would get into his car and drive up the California coast highway until he felt like turning around and coming back. He has raced and was part of the SCCA. He loved driving and all things car!
Almost 2 years ago we found out that he could drive again by using new special adaptive glasses. Life became wonderful again. Driving and cars became a big part of his life for the second time.
In the last 2 months TK has been having some health problems. The short version of the long story is this: TK has Mastoiditis, with a hardened cyst in his middle ear area; we aren’t sure about the size of the cyst. This will require surgery. He sees the surgeon at the end of this month.
In preparing for surgery, he saw his cardiologist today. The cardiologist did some research on the Stargardt’s. He found that it affects the tiny blood vessels throughout the body, not just in the eyes, which can cause problems with bleeding, organ difficulties, and weakness in all the smaller vessels.
The cardiologist said that TK needed to have a stress test before the surgery. Because of other problems he has, this will be radiological stress test, and it will have to be done 2 days in a row. One of the side effects of the radiological drug is that it can destroy peripheral vision!
This is the point where I breakdown! He just got his ability to drive back and now he has to have a test that could take that away. And he has to have it two days in a row! This is before the surgery that will cut his head open and expose his brain! For some reason I have a harder time with the possibility that he will lose more vision than with the surgery. That could be because I haven’t heard all the particulars about the surgery.
We weren’t together when TK first lost his vision. We met after he had learned to deal with it. Most people never even know he is legally blind because he handles things so well. I confess that sometimes I forget, too; especially now that he can drive.
It’s during times like these that test your faith. Maybe it’s more like testing my concept of my life and how it should unfold. I know that my Father in Heaven is there and I know that He is in charge of everything. It’s more that I have to come to grips with the fact that life is really not in my control and just get ready to deal with what actually happens instead of what might happen.
I know that, but I still find myself bursting into tears as I unload the dryer, or clean the living room, or plan dinner or anything else. Now I just have to paste on the smile and finish this unplanned ride.
Look unto God with firmness of mind, and pray unto him with exceeding faith, and he will console you in your afflictions, and he will plead your cause, and send down justice upon those who seek your destruction. (Book of Mormon, Jacob 3:1)
Nevertheless they did fast and pray oft, and did wax stronger and stronger in their humility, and firmer and firmer in the faith of Christ, unto the filling their souls with joy and consolation, (Book of Mormon, Heleman 3:35)