Retreat & Heal

I just got back from an amazing healing “retreat”. My sister went with me so she could learn; I went for the actual healing. We got to stay at my aunt’s home, each of us in different suites. I had the Emerald Isle Suite, and she had the Suite of Dreams. Each had its own bathroom and sitting area. Each suite had so much to look at that you could literally spend hours just looking at things. The emerald Isle Suite had two full walls of books. Books make me happy, even if they are just on the shelves!


I got to meet a wonderful woman, Debra Hale of Debra’s Healing Hands. It’s hard to describe what she does. I suppose the best way to say it is that she facilitates emotionally healing and physical wellness through many different disciplines. One that is hard to describe is “PPR, Purge, Purify and Restore”. It will literally heal you and your ancestors of emotions you are stuck in. That is simplifying the process and trying to explain a wonderful process with inadequate words. In 21 days, I should see even more difference. But I have seen subtle changes ever since the session with Debra.

One of the fun things that happened on this trip happened the second time I was in Debra’s office. As I was leaving, there was a woman in the waiting area who was with the next person for Debra. She & I looked at each other and had this instant recognition. I asked her if she was my friend from long ago Tammy, and she was. JOY! JOY! JOY! I have been actively looking for her in the last few months, but haven’t been able to find her. I found her on the couch.

We hugged and hugged. I think both of us were happy to see each other for the first time in almost 17 years. She was such a wonderful person to sit and talk with and I have missed that. Now the talks will have to be over the phone, but at least, we can talk. At first I think we will probably talk over each other because there is so much to say after 17 years. We have to catch up with each other and the children & grandchildren. I can hardly wait for the many calls to come.

I do mornings

Anyone who knows me knows that 

 "I DON'T DO MORNINGS!!!"

I haven't gotten out of bed before 11:00am for years.  Of course, having chronic fatigue is one reason it's been so hard, and I thought it was the only reason.

Surprisingly, I was wrong.

After the fiasco with my meds, lasting two months, I have found a rather great outcome.  (No, we aren't finished messing with the meds.)  Now my body wakes up betwen 7-8am and it doesn't want to go back to sleep!  At first, I kept trying to go back to sleep after getting Dear Daughter off to school, but it just wasn't happpening! 

It took me a week to realize what what going on!  Dense, I know.  So now I actually beat the alarm clock!  I don't ever remember THAT happening. 

Now the problem is remembering to turn the alarm OFF before leaving the bedroom!

Talking mode

If you read 2 posts ago, you know that I have been dealing with changing my medications and it hasn't been fun!

Here is an update.

Short version:  I have passed the headache of the withdrawl from med 1 and med 2 is beginning to kick in.

Longer version:  Today was the first time I have left the house to go anywhere in 3 weeks!  Panic attack for sure.   But I did it and feel so much better.  I got both shoulders, both elbows, both hips and my stomach all put in place.  BIG LONG SIGH!!!!

One way to tell that I am getting better is that I begin to talk, alot.  I mean A LOT.  I will call someone with a real purpose, but just keep going on and on.   It may be annoying to whoever has to listen, but it's a great sign of improvement.  (sorry if you are on who has had to listen to me just talk about nothing)

Now we are on to the panic at leaving the house.  That usually continues for a while, but should work itself out in the next 2-4 weeks.  I have also been able to eat WITH the family, instead of having to eat alone.  That is such an improvement over a month ago!  My hair, which gets really yucky during these times, is beginning to perk up a little--that will take over 2 months to recover-- at least.

Update on TK

It’s time for an update on T and his diabetes. We won’t go into how he got in this situation because it doesn’t matter now. We are moving forward.

About a week before Christmas, T had a doctor’s appointment. We knew his blood sugar was up, but we weren’t sure how bad it was. Normal blood sugar levels are around 100-120. That day his was over 500!! The doctor looked at him & said “You can go in this insulin or you can go right to the hospital. What is your choice?” She has been working with him & calling if he hasn’t reported to her as soon as she wants him to. She’s great! She really cares about her patients. (I dream about the day I have insurance and can go se her!)

Back to T: He started testing his blood again & giving himself insulin. But that is never the end of the story. Each time you drop your blood sugar very much, you feel sick, to put it mildly! So we were watching him for blood sugar levels and insulin shock! Things went well and over about 2 weeks, the numbers came down to the 300-250 range. That is a really big change! But they got stuck right there and weren’t coming down anymore.

Up the insulin again! The numbers moved a little farther.

Change the insulin again! The numbers got really good!

The difficult part came as T learned how to time the insulin shots. There have been a few times that he has gone into insulin shock! Nothing gets a wife’s worry gland going like watching all the color leave her husband’s face as he lays there sweating and having a hard time talking & staying awake! This is actually a double edged sword—insulin shock is life threatening, but you got to eat a LOT of forbidden foods! One night his sugar got down to 41-- We were giving him glucose tablets, chocolate, candies, anything that was sweet! After about 90 minutes, it had come up to 120! Safe for the moment. (Big sigh)

That has happened a few more times, but it hasn’t been that drastic. After the first time, he learned what the symptoms were & how he would feel. Since that time, he has only gotten down to the 60’s before we main-lined the sugar! It’s amazing how much energy it takes from you when your blood sugar is so skewed! I remember having times of low blood sugar (hypoglycemia) and how tiring it was.

The last day or so, T’s numbers have been really good. They are almost always under 200, which is great considering he started over 500. While all this was going on, he stopped driving. Wise choice, but inconvenient for both of us. He finally is feeling good enough to try driving again on short trips. Now we need to work on his stamina—those short trips take every bit of energy he has!

By the way: IT IS REALLY EXPENSIVE TO BE DIABETIC!!!!

It's time again

Well, the time has come again. T will have surgery to finish the surgery he had a year & a half ago.

The next 3 days will be spent doing as many errands as I can, getting the right kind of bandages, getting everything for Thanksgiving dinner, etc. While he recovers, I won't be leaving the house for very long because of his dizziness. So as much as I can do now will really help later.

Also, I have to do all of the jobs T usually does. That's not really too bad, since the jobs will get done when I want them done.

The part I am NOT looking forward to is dealing with Dear Daughter! Lately she has not been speaking to me-which leaves Dad to deal with all the problems. During recovery Dad won't be able to deal with any problems. He will be dealing with sleeping, taking pills and eating as much as he can. Listening to a teenager yelling & complaining will not be on his TO-DO list.

So--I'm making a list--checking it twice-- (you finish the song)

Swine Flu

Well, most of you know I have been sick since Oct 1st. This is an update on my adventures with the Swine Flu.

I have actually been feeling better! I was so happy to feel good on Friday that I over did it. Just 3 small jobs around the house used every bit of energy I had! So I am taking things slower. More turtle-like.

Some have asked about this, so here is a short version.

Sept 30 is when I started to feel like I was getting sick. The next morning - it was full blown!!! Mostly it was in my head and throat. My ears felt like I had gone up in an airplane without being able to "pop" them. So uncomfortable and painful!

After 2 weeks, my head began to clear a little and it went into my lungs. Then the coughing began!!!! Me & my bladder HATE coughing!!!!!

Now the cough is still there, but not so bad.What did I do/take for it? I did everything I knew about -- all of my Mom's things, some over the counter things, Emergne-C, reflexology (thumbs and sinus on hands), any herbs I had that dealt with sinus, V-8 juice, SunBreeze, Vicks, and LOTS OF REST!!

No, I didn't go to a doctor--no insurance. But I did everything he would have told me to do, and saved the $70-$90 to buy what I needed.

Overall, I have had a reasonably easy bout of this piggy flu! And somehow, Hubby & Dear Daughter have not gotten it. That is the biggest blessing of all! I worked on not spreading it!

Have on hand:
Kleenex - I have used 4 boxes so far.
Over-the-counter medications you prefer.
Vitamin C
Emergen-C (or Airborne)
V-8 juice (ask if you want to know why this & not fruit juice)
Vicks & Sunbreeze
Humidifier
Cough Drops
Masks (to avoid spreading it)
Lysol (to avoid spreading it)
Purell type hand sanitizer (to avoid spreading it)

Death Warmed Over

What is it about the common cold that can turn you into a whiney little baby? So this post will be mostly that whiney part. . .

On Thursday night, Oct 1, I began to feel like I was getting sick. Then on Friday, it hit full force! The headache, fever, stuffy nose then drippy nose, watery eyes, sneezing, achy, and a throat that hurts so much I don’t want to even breathe through it!!

I put all the medicines, thermometer, tissues, etc. in a crocheted bowl that I carry from my bed to my computer and back to bed. Dear Daughter didn't even realize I was sick until just a few days ago. Don't ask me how it went un-noticed. Maybe she was just relieved to have me not after her to do the things she is suppose to do.

Now it’s Oct 10! I am still sick. It did change a bit and went into my lungs, so I have been coughing up a storm-and then some.

Have I been to the Dr?, you ask. No, I don’t have insurance and there isn’t enough money for that. The Dr would tell me that I have the flu and should rest, drink plenty of fluids, take a pain reliever if I need one. So I have been following the non-doctor prescription. I will admit that this is the worst flu I’ve ever had!!!!

If T gets this, he will end up in the hospital! Diabetes makes him more susceptible to things and this one is a doosy!

Some have asked me if it is swine flu. Well . . . since I haven’t seen a doctor, and no tests have been run, it is impossible to say if it is that particular strain of flu. But I can say it’s nasty stuff! It's so bad that I haven't had a crochet hook in my hand for 10 days!!!

Need Your Suggestions

As most of you know, I have suffered from depression (as a few other things) most of my life. Usually I deal pretty well with it. But sometimes – like now—it gets a little difficult for me. So I need some humor, ideas and communication with the outside world to help right now.

I have begun to stay at home (okay, since it’s 116 outside that may not be too odd). I have not gone to fun family things or boring ones either.

I have gotten into a rut of only doing the housework that literally has to be done. With my small place, that creates a problem after just one day. Imagine how it is after almost a month!

I have food to cook, but can’t seem to figure out what to make—or to find the energy to make it?

There is a towel sitting in the hall (only place for the dirty clothes) waiting to be washed that really stinks. Dear daughter went swimming over a month ago and left the wet towel in a plastic bag—I found it yesterday.

There are so many projects I am excited about doing, but can’t even muster the “umph” to get things out to start any of them.

Yes, I’m complaining. It keeps playing in my mind, and I hate listening to it too. So I have started listening to music or audio books or scriptures on my MP3. I have been taking the medications I should take. I have made myself go places.

I have tried all my own ideas. It’s time for fresh ideas.
I need your ideas. So share!!!!

Enjoy the Ride

A wonderful friend just sent me this little video. Thanks, Robin, for your random email of kindness. I loved it.


http://lshs64.com/enjoytheride.html


Made me feel calm and happy about what I will do today.

Helped me remember what is more important-
people more than things,
life more than rush.

Best of all--It made me smile!

The Truth About Me

It’s time to start sharing the changes in my life! But in order to do that, I need to give you a quick glance into my background so you will understand the significance of these changes. I don’t read someone else’s complaints if I can help it, so I don’t want to make you read mine.

So here is the short version:

Bi-polar depression - Since age 5
Panic Attacks - Since age 5
Interstitial Cystitis - 15 years (like having a constant bladder infection)
Chronic Fatigue - 25 years
Weight gain - More than I am willing to admit before I lose it

On February 28th I began to take a supplement which is created in a way to feed the cells. I started to notice a difference in 2 days!

Here is the short version of the changes SO FAR:

Day 2 - More mental clarity
Day 4 - Noticing more energy that is NOT the manic of bi-polar
Day 5, 6 & 7 - Attended evening events 3 days in a row (unheard of)
1 week - My clothes are just a bit more comfortable
2 weeks - My bladder starts great improvements

As you can imagine; I am starting to feel better. I am still not a morning person; but it’s only been 2 weeks. But I am doing more around the house; in baby steps, but they are steps.

T started a week ago. I am not going to list his problems; I will just give you 3:

Legally blind
Diabetic
Weight gain

He has noticed changes in just one week:

Memory improvement
More energy
Weight loss (one belt notch)

I will keep you posted on changes as they happen. As you can imagine, the mood around our house has become much more positive.

Health Issues

This is a difficult thing for me to write. Mostly because there are so many emotions connected with what I am writing about. I need to give a little background so that you understand everything.

TK has Stargardt’s Disease which has left him legally blind for over 15 years. His peripheral vision is 20/20 but his central vision is 20/200. Regular glasses do not help this type of problem. He had to stop driving, which was what he did to relax. He would get into his car and drive up the California coast highway until he felt like turning around and coming back. He has raced and was part of the SCCA. He loved driving and all things car!

Almost 2 years ago we found out that he could drive again by using new special adaptive glasses. Life became wonderful again. Driving and cars became a big part of his life for the second time.
In the last 2 months TK has been having some health problems. The short version of the long story is this: TK has Mastoiditis, with a hardened cyst in his middle ear area; we aren’t sure about the size of the cyst. This will require surgery. He sees the surgeon at the end of this month.

In preparing for surgery, he saw his cardiologist today. The cardiologist did some research on the Stargardt’s. He found that it affects the tiny blood vessels throughout the body, not just in the eyes, which can cause problems with bleeding, organ difficulties, and weakness in all the smaller vessels.

The cardiologist said that TK needed to have a stress test before the surgery. Because of other problems he has, this will be radiological stress test, and it will have to be done 2 days in a row. One of the side effects of the radiological drug is that it can destroy peripheral vision!

This is the point where I breakdown! He just got his ability to drive back and now he has to have a test that could take that away. And he has to have it two days in a row! This is before the surgery that will cut his head open and expose his brain! For some reason I have a harder time with the possibility that he will lose more vision than with the surgery. That could be because I haven’t heard all the particulars about the surgery.

We weren’t together when TK first lost his vision. We met after he had learned to deal with it. Most people never even know he is legally blind because he handles things so well. I confess that sometimes I forget, too; especially now that he can drive.

It’s during times like these that test your faith. Maybe it’s more like testing my concept of my life and how it should unfold. I know that my Father in Heaven is there and I know that He is in charge of everything. It’s more that I have to come to grips with the fact that life is really not in my control and just get ready to deal with what actually happens instead of what might happen.
I know that, but I still find myself bursting into tears as I unload the dryer, or clean the living room, or plan dinner or anything else. Now I just have to paste on the smile and finish this unplanned ride.

Look unto God with firmness of mind, and pray unto him with exceeding faith, and he will console you in your afflictions, and he will plead your cause, and send down justice upon those who seek your destruction. (Book of Mormon, Jacob 3:1)

Nevertheless they did fast and pray oft, and did wax stronger and stronger in their humility, and firmer and firmer in the faith of Christ, unto the filling their souls with joy and consolation, (Book of Mormon, Heleman 3:35)

Mastoiditis links
http://www.nycornell.org/ent/cholesteatoma.html
http://www.drlouryent.com/Pages/PatientServices/1051.html
http://www.drlouryent.com/Pages/PatientServices/1037.html

Stargardt’s links
http://www.macular.org/stargardts.html
http://www.visionww.org/drswindsor-stargardt.htm
http://www.naturaleyecare.com/diseases.asp?d_num=23